Just last Thursday, Tom and I celebrated six years together.  I still can't believe that it's been that long.  Sometimes it feels like we've known each other forever yet at other times it feels like we just met yesterday.  We didn't do anything ultra special for our anniversary except go out to eat then come back to be alone and watch a movie.  I did dress up, though.  The shoes killed my feet.  Tom had wanted to do a little scavenger hunt for me but the school wouldn't let him.  It was to show that he had really been paying attention to me this whole time.  The thought was appreciated and I'm happy that he remembered such little things.

We also got to talk about all that happened while we knew one another.  It feels like forever ago when we met online in that little chatroom.  Sometimes I miss it because that and email was the only was we could talk to one another.  It was a real test of patience and devotion.  But now the site is gone so we can never go back to that place and we never email each other because we now live in the same area.

Just now, I went back and looked at some of the old emails I got from him.  I realize that I really miss those times and yet I wouldn't want to give up what I have now.  I want to move forward and live with him forever...but I still want to relive those moments of talking and role playing in the chatroom.

*sigh* Sometimes I never know what I really want...and I'm rambling.  This post probably won't make sense.  Guess I'm in a mood.

Apart from the anniversary, the semester's coming to an end.  Mom called today and we talked a little.  She didn't sound too happy about me wanting to make my concentration painting or that I wanted to take a summer class.  Why should either matter?  I'm happier with painting and I can always minor with digital art.  I want to take the summer class so I can make sure to graduate on time.  I don't think I can stand living apart from Tom anymore so I'm determined to graduate at the same time he does.  But my mom wants to go on vacation during the summer session and my brother's got graduation.  I don't see us going on vacation but whatever.

Ugh...I want to grow up and get away from my parents and yet I want to remain a kid who doesn't have so many responsibilities.  I know I can't have both but it's frustrating especially when my parents (at least my mom) don't agree with my goals in life.  I can't always fall back on digital art but I've found that it's not really want I want to do with the rest of my life.  I'm not -that- great at it and I don't want to be stuck behind a desk making graphics for people for the rest of my life.  Aren't parents supposed to go with what makes their kids happy in life?  I don't want a job just because it'll pay well.  I want to enjoy it.  If I end up like my dad with his job, I'll freakin' cry my eyes out.  If I'm going to do -anything- as a profession, I'll want to enjoy it because if not, I'll never get anywhere.

...because I don't want to worry you.

I'm tired.  I'm at that point again where I feel that the world's crumbling around me even though I know it's really not.  It just feels that way.  Midterm's next week and I've got two papers to do.  I honestly hadn't realized that it was so soon...but I always procrastinate.  Nothing I say or do will keep me from procrastinating.  I really must stop that...though I know that I won't.

Also have people trouble...ish.  I'm not fighting with anyone...but I do want to ring my roommate's neck half the time now.  Ugh.  I just can't live with people I don't know personally.  I can't stand it.  So...what's gotten me irked?  Apparently I don't do anything fast enough for her and she got pissy-ish.  I admit to being a bit lazy but there was no need to write impolite notes to me about it.  In the second one, she even demanded that I stay in the apartment until she got back at 6:30 pm. ... If I hadn't needed to wash clothes that night, I seriously would have just left to go hang out with the guys for a few hours before coming back. *sigh* And yet she can't do a few things right herself.  She can't load a dishwasher correctly.  Everything she puts in there is random and I have to rearrange everything each time just to be able to fit in a glass or bowl.  She also doesn't understand that you should scrub down the messy dishes before setting them in the dishwasher.  Did her mother not teach her anything?  And the last thing...she plays with the thermostat.  When it was really cold not long ago, she'd contantly turn the thermostat off and let it go down to 65...during the night.  Do you know how uncomfortable it is to sleep like that?  And if I bother to get up to turn on the heat then five mintues later, she'd turn it off again.  I'm surprised that she hasn't told me to stop playing with it yet.  Ugh.

Now, as for my family... I have go trouble with them but they seem to have run into a bit of bad luck.  My mom found out that her back has been giving her trouble rather that her other hip and she may need surgery on it.  She hasn't found out yet.  My brother dislocated his right knee in PE not long ago and has to wear a brace and use crutches.  He didn't need surgery, thank goodness, but he much go through physical theropy.  He can't drive or work with screws him over a bit for school but he's gotten that taken care of.  And my dad... I wish I could help him out so bad.  He hates work, specifically where he works.  He's always tired and he just hates it.  Not long ago, he got suspended without pay for something someone else did but he was responsible for that person.  Then, not long after my last visit (weekend on my mom's birthday) he got into an accident.  He was unhurt as was the other person but it happened after work.  He's so stressed out and there's really nothing I can do to help him.  I wish there was.  I think, however, that I'll at least paint him something next in class.  As a gift, I'll paint his and my brother's mustangs.  They'd like that.  And I'll do it on two canvases so that they could taken them apart if they wanted (my brother may want to taken his to college in the fall).  It makes me feels bad that I dumped my own stress on them when I was home last.

Other than that...*shrug* I'm in the usual rut.  Don't feel like doing much of anything...though I seriously need to get into shape. *ignores grumbling stomach* Hey..it worked before and I didn't get sick.  So...whatever.

I just wish I could escape this boring life and sink into my imagination...well, with Tom though.  I almost wish that one of my books would come true and I would be the one to appear in the ancient world of Greeks deities and magic.  How'd I'd love such a thing...

Must remember to share my thoughts...

Ok..hrm..guess I'll start with right after my last entry.  Nothing much happened between that time and when I left for the beach.  Why the beach?  Well, Tom and his family were going there for the New Year and it's slowly becoming habit for me to spend it with them.  I rather enjoyed it.  I got some art done, watched Tom, Jack, and Chris play a lot of magic, and got to poke at a fire. XD Each night we were there, the four of us started up a fire outside in the old fireplace then sat around it and talked.  Half the time, Chris, me, and sometimes Jack were just poking the logs and adding stuff to keep it going.  We tried playing some cthulu but we were too facinated with the fire. XP On New Year's Eve, we were sitting out there when a little...excitment happened.  The four of us heard some shouting and a crash of something glass in the street (we were behind the house).  When looking back, we slowly noticed a small fire going. o-o Chris ran upstairs to tell Tom's parents while the rest of us ran out front.  Some idiots had dropped a molotov cocktail on the street.  Tom was pissed but we calmed him down.  I was just glad that it wasn't in the yard (dry brush + fire = not so yay).  After putting the fire out and calling the police, we all chilled out inside and watched March of the Penguins, welcoming in the new year.  What a way to celebrate, eh? XD

We all then went back to Richmond.  Nothing too exciting other than shopping some and having my day with Tom.  Narnia was pretty good...but the ice cream after was just as well.  I was a bit disappointed, however, that we didn't go back to Hollywood Cemetary.  Good thing, though, was that I didn't have to be around Lenya.

It felt kinda weird driving back to Pembroke.  We made sure to leave on the 7th rather than the 6th.  Why?  Because the 6th was the day, last year, that I had my accident.  I don't concider it a lucky day.

Since then, classes have started and we've gotten back together.  My classes are long but one turned itself into an internet class so it's not as bad.  Tom and Chris are trying to work out living arrangments because one, Tom's current roommate is a weirdo who refuses to move, two, Chris's roommate won't move because Tom and Allen's suitmates don't like Joe or vice-versa dispite Joe never being in his room anyways.

As for myself...I'm tired and already feeling the stress.  Studio classes take a lot out of a person.

All in all, it was okay.

Christmas wasn't so bad, I suppose.  It could have been better but I won't complain.  The sweets cooking took place a day earlier and I must admit that I enjoyed it.  My legs and feet were wore from standing so much but I had fun.  My mom had already fixed the sugar-coated peanuts so she began working on her fudge the 23rd.  I also decided to go ahead and make my grandmother's spice cookies.  I had expected to do it alone but my brother came in and helped without a fuss.  He actually volenteered.  It was nice having the three of us working in the kitchen.  Mom made a lot of fudge and Richard and I made two double batches of the cookies; one for here and the other for Tom's family and my friends back at college.  Later, after we had gotten the cooking done, we wrapped up gifts for the kids.

Christmas Eve was ok...but it's gotten less exciting.  Richard and I had gone out early to set up extra tables and chairs.  There's just too many people now-a-days...and it seems like my grandmas house is shrinking.  I tried to pass out gifts but no one really paid me any mind.  It was just chaos there for a while.  I got three gifts, less than usual.  Some of my aunts and uncles just didn't give me gifts this year.  Which is another thing...they've all gone cheap.  $10 from each...those one of those was from my grandma.  She went up from handing out $5 but I never complained.  She's just as nice, gift or not.  The others...eh.  Benjimin got doted upon though I understand why.  He's the youngest right now so why not?  Makes me jealous, though.  I want a child for everyone to dote upon. ;-; Hopefully I'll be the next to marry and have a kid...but that'll be a few years down the road.  Some people also asked where Tom was. *sigh* As much as I'd love to have him for Christmas, I'm not so sure I want him around my family like that...

Which reminds me...Tom's grandfather passed away a few days before Christmas on the 22nd, I believe.  Broke his mom's heart...but I heard she's hanging in there.

Christmas Day wasn't so bad either though I slept horribly that night and had to be woken that morning at 10.  Got some nice things: money, Barnes & Noble giftcard, Sailor Moon (first 4 seasons), Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban Soundtrack, Sin City, earrings, and two books (one for Photoshop 7, the other for D&D).

They'll be heading to the beach for New Year and I'll be joining them.  Which means Tom and I won't get roped into hanging out with his friends so I can have him to myself...in a sense.  After that, we'll be heading back to Richmond then, a few days later, back to school.  Ugh, is our break almost over?  Bleh.

I think I need a new layout here...hm...

It's nice to be away from work...but now I'm just bored out of my mind...

Classes ended the 2nd and I came home the 9th after finals and stuff.  My last exam was Tuesday but Tom had one on Friday and was depending on me to take him to the train station.  Also had to finish up some work Wed.

I thought my break would be fun...but it's not.  I'm bored...really bored.  Decorations got up late again this year.  Christmas is next weekend and not everything's none.  Proves how lazy this family's gotten.  My dad doesn't help and my brother can only do but so much since he's got work and school.  My mom's barely done a thing and I couldn't do anything until getting here. *sigh* Even gotten in a fight with her about doing things.  My dad found me a job, though, if I want it.  But I need more info about it...

I miss Tom.  There's nothing to do here.  No friends or anything.  Tom's been busy with his own so I've barely talked to him.  It's depressing.

I don't really like being here.  I feel useless and unwanted.  Also like I can't have my own space.  I'm usually stuck in the of the dinning room while on my laptop because it's the only thing I have besides drawing or whatever.  Wish college would just end already so I can get my own place and have holidays my way.  

At one moment I'm bouncey, another depressed and wanting to cry.  It sucks so bad.  And Christmas is slowly getting more and more boring.  Family's getting lazier and it's not so exciting.  I really miss the old days when we were really excited about this time of year.  Christmas Eve and Day were awesome...but not so much anymore.  Sure, we still open gifts and stuff like usual but that hypes not there anymore.  It's just like, 'Whoo, I got this, this, and this.  Thanks. *get up and go to computer*.  That and everyone sleeps away most of the morning rather than me and my brother waking up really early and talking until the parents wake.

I'm kind of looking forward to New Year since I'll be spending it up in Richmond.  Though, I have a feeling that it'll be a lot of hanging out with Tom's friends and stuff, barely having time for me.  That's the way it usually is.  I'd say I was looking forward to next semester...but it's just more work.

Which reminds me...I bombed my Web Design class with a D.  I thought that class would be easy and stuff since it was online...but hell if I was wrong.  I just feel far behind and forgot how upload most of my stuff.  I only ended up uploading my last chapter...and I didn't even get the images to work right.  Ugh.  I think I got a D in another class...that or a C-.  I hate...stuff.  Maybe...just maybe...next semester will be a little easier.  Ha.

Kill me now.